Solitude: As Difficult as it is

Months ago when I was in the western Sahara Desert I experienced what I thought was "solitude." I suppose it was a form of solitude, but it had more to do with my physical surroundings and less to do with my inner life.
       As I enter this new year and begin to study Jesus anew I realize a startling fact once again: I stink at being still. I am allergic to solitude.
       I have been a driven activist for the better part of 30 years. Many times I get a pat on the back or an "atta boy" for my drivenness. That is Western Culture speaking to me. And yet I know that this pace of life and work actually pushes me away from God rather than toward Him.
       So this morning I am taking a couple of hours quietly with God. I'm staying in a beautiful home with wonderful people in Indianapolis. I have a 12-hour work day ahead of me, but it does not start until 9am so I am taking time to be apart.
       I am reminded again of Henri Nouwen's comment on solitude, which is profound:
“We enter into solitude first of all to meet our Lord and to be with Him and Him alone. Only in the context of grace can we face our sin; only in the place of healing do we dare to show our wounds; only with a single-minded attention to Christ can we give up our clinging fears and face our own true nature. Solitude is a place where Christ remodels us in his own image and frees us from the victimizing compulsions of the world.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry