Lament

I thought I would wake up this morning and "be over it." Be over what? Be over my sadness about saying good-bye to Nate yesterday. That's wildly naive of course, even though I think I am the type of person who is more activist and gets on with the next thing pretty quickly.
       But it is not that easy. I am especially perplexed with God this morning, and where He is in all of this. It reminds me of C.S. Lewis' comment in A Grief Observed as he reflected on the loss of his wife:
"When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of 'No answer.' It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace, child; you don't understand.' "
       I get at least some comfort from Lewis' comment, but my heart remains heavy and my day appears to be painted with a hue of grey.