Eulogy: Words to Remember My Father

We had a beautiful memorial service for my dad at Beth Yeshua Congregation in Plainview, New York yesterday. These were the words I shared with everyone there:

My father was what I call the unlikely believer in God.

… the unlikely survivor – of a bad childhood

… the unlikely survivor of World War II

He was also the unlikely leader …

the unlikely person to help others…

And mostly, the unlikely follower of God.

For a Jewish kid from Brooklyn, that is quite the unlikely journey!

Mom and dad visited my family when we lived in Holland for a decade. They visited many times actually, often around Thanksgiving.

Frequently we invited dad to come along to activities with our community – a Christian church community. In the early years dad politely declined.

You see, dad wrestled with faith, and God,  and belief - as most of us do at times. He did not want to be a hypocrite, which I respected.

“I was born a Jew, I’m going to die a Jew,” dad would tell me, believing at the time that he would have to abandon being Jewish to believe in Jesus.

Two events in Holland when they visited began to show me a shift in dad’s heart and mind. The first was when our church needed to move locations, from one school to another. There was dad at 77 years old helping the sound techs and custodians schlep chairs, sound equipment, and children’s toys onto the moving truck! All of these 25-year-old strong Dutch guys marveled at dad’s energy!

The next day I was heading to church early in the morning and there was dad ready to go with me – a very new thing for him! I asked why and he said that the sound guys and custodians were his new-found friends. Dad walked into the new school where we had just moved as if he owned the place.

            The second event was when Susy and I had the privilege of baptizing mom at our church in Amsterdam. Here we were with 500 mostly young Dutch people watching as mom is baptized. Everyone cheers wildly as she comes out of the water. And there is dad right at the edge of the tub to help mom get out, hand her a towel, and carefully help her to walk back stage.

            Dad was unconvinced about faith at the time, but he was open and searching. And he leaned into seeking God.

            Dad had a lot to overcome to believe in a God who is good and gracious and forgives sins. It took him most of his 90 years.

            He was like the man who meets Jesus one day and exclaims, “I do belief! Help me in my unbelief!”

            Today we celebrate this unlikely follower of the Messiah, Y’shua.

Why I Am Not "Sitting Shiva"

My father, Marty Newman, died three days ago on April 12, 2015. He was 90 years old when he breathed his final breath.
       I am not "sitting shiva" this week, even though our family is Jewish and we want to be respectful of our traditions and customs.

       Jews "observe shiva" for the 7 days after a loved one dies. The purpose is to grieve and mourn the loss of the person, and is marked by several acts:
the mourners do not work during the week, all mirrors in the house are covered, mourners sit on low chairs below visitors (to show their lowly position and grief), a candle is lit in memory of the person, a black cloth which is ripped is customarily worn, and there is a daily prayer service in which the Mourner's Kaddish is said.
       All in all, "sitting shiva" is a somber, sullen experience. I remember going to my aunt and uncle's co-op apartment when my grandfather died and we all sat around speaking softly and "looking a bit like death warmed over," as my dad put it at the time.
       I am not sitting shiva because I do not feel somber and sullen about my father's death. Please allow me to explain! I am sad that I will never be able to pick up the phone and call my dad. We won't be able to talk about cars anymore, and I won't laugh at his hysterical stories about life. But all of that is about ME and not about him. This is my grief and loss, and I hope I can lean into this mourning process in the coming weeks and months.
       There is also a big part of me that smiles at my dad being free of pain and suffering (no more shortness of breath, no more losing his dentures!). Even more than that, I want to shout for joy at my dad being in the very presence of God and the Messiah, Y'shua. If you are Jewish reading this post you might think, "Uh-oh, Brian is being delusional! He's lost his mind!"
       But I haven't. I know that we Jews have resisted and rejected the idea that the Messiah has already come, and we have generally rejected that Jesus (Y'shua) is that Messiah. If my dad could say anything to us right now it would be, Believe it! Believe it that Jesus really was and is the promised Messiah of Israel! My dad knows it first hand now.
       So there is no compelling reason to sit shiva for me. I do not need to be in a state of somber depression over my dad's death.
       There is one aspect of the mourning process that I simply love. That is, saying the Mourner's Kaddish. Shortly after my mom called us on Sunday morning to say that dad had passed, I found myself reciting the prayer in Hebrew under my breath. For all of my years going to synagogue on Long Island, I did not know what that prayer meant in English. Now I do. It is all about God's greatness and goodness, which my father knows now to the full!

MOURNER'S KADDISH

Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.
        May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon;
and say, Amen.
       May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
       Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.
       May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel;
and say, Amen.

Beware: Persian is Not Arab

It goes against my philosophical and theological framework to speak as I am about to regarding Iran, and the proposed nuclear agreement being brokered with Western powers.
       However, I have concerns (some serious) about the political agreement with Iran. My conservative friends may say that, at last, I am waking up to the "evil forces" at work in Iran. To be clear, I am not becoming hawkish about the U.S.'s involvement in the Middle East, and specifically with Iran. I AM hoping to point out three factors or dimensions to this issue that the Obama administration appears to be avoiding or ignoring.

1. Persians are not Arabs. Arabs are localized and tribal, meaning that throughout history Arabs have turned on Arabs based on tribal and clan affiliation. Persians (Iranians) are far more monolithic and certainly the Iranian culture is the dominant force in the Persian world. They are unified which makes them more of a political (and military) force to be reckoned with in the Middle East.
2. Understand the Power Structures. While I am not an expert on Iranian politics, I know enough that there are elected officials, who are chosen by the Iranian people, and there are the Ayatollahs who are not. Iran is a self-declared Islamic Republic, which means the Ayatollahs (the religious clerics) have more power than the popularly elected President and his appointed ministers. The Western governments have spent months and months negotiating with the elected officials of Iran, while the Ayatollahs have remained apart. This calls into question the legitimacy of the negotiations in the first place.
3. Iran is Expansionist via Regional Influence. In the Iran-Iraq war of 1980 to 1988 (which the Reagan Administration and many other governments did not care very much about) Iraq attacked Iran, and Iran defended itself. Modern Iran since the overthrow of the Shah in 1979 has not proven to be expansionist in the sense of invading other countries. Unlike ISIS, It does not appear to want to conquer land. However, Iran has proven to be exceedingly meddling and destabilizing in the Middle East through fellow Shiite states and movements - Syria, Bahrain, Yemen, and Hizbullah. No one can deny the Iranians' covert operations and sectarian divide they have exploited with Sunni Muslim states.

My good friends on the side of "give peace a chance" will say that the United States meddles and destabilizes in the region as much as Iran. And you are correct in saying that. However, my father taught me that "two wrongs do not make a right!" We can speak out against Iran's meddling and also call the U.S. government to account for its meddling.

The deal with Iran is bad on its own merits, not because of any direct threat to Israel (or any other state in the region). It is bad because the West has not negotiated with the true power base in Iran, and because the agreement does not address consequences to Iran meddling in the affairs of other Middle Eastern states.

I applaud the Obama Administration for wanting a nuclear deal with Iran. Sanctions are crippling to the Iranian people, and only embitters the population to the rest of the world. However, we cannot "cut corners" just to get a deal done. It's time to go back to the drawing board.

Passover Seder Tickets Available

We are hosting a unique Passover Seder this year. It will be at the former Temple Emmanuel in Denver, which is now home to one of the sites of Denver Community Church.
      As we do each year, there will be special surprises for the kids, we will have two giveaways of handcrafted pottery, and our "Bless Buckets" will be on the tables. This year all donations will go to help and bless Syrian refugees in Lebanon who are in need of their exodus and return.
       Buy tickets for the seder HERE.

Tonight is Purim

Tonight is Purim, the remembrance of Esther in the history of the Jewish people. You can read the heroic story in the book of Esther in the Old Testament.
       A short article in Patheos recently asked the question, Who are the Esthers Today? It is an important question, but not only because of the rise of anti-semitism in Europe and elsewhere.
       It is important because women are often treated as second-class citizens in a variety of religious contexts - the Church, Judaism, and Islam to mention the three great monotheistic faiths.
       Lest we quickly jump on the bandwagon of how some strains of Islam abuse women (which certainly happens), we in the West would do well to do some serious self-reflection.
       We are quick to see women as objects of sexual desire and look away at a scantily clad Miley Cyrus, but are largely silent about this kind of abuse.
       There is an invisible glass ceiling for many, many women in the corporate world. And that ceiling is not even invisible in the Church world of Catholics and Protestants, where well-meaning men hold to theological positions that severely limit women's gifts, talents, and abilities.
      So I also want to ask, Who are the Esthers today? And I also want to ask how men such as myself are identifying, empowering, and sending those Esthers to change the world for good.

Our Twilight Zones Where Life Happens Best

“There is a twilight zone in our hearts that we ourselves cannot see. Even when we know quite a lot about ourselves-our gifts and weaknesses, our ambitions and aspirations, our motives and our drives-large parts of ourselves remain in the shadow of consciousness. This is a very good thing. We will always remain partially hidden to ourselves. Other people, especially those who love us, can often see our twilight zones better than we ourselves can. The way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. We will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends. That's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility, but to a deep trust in those who love us. It is the twilight zones of our hearts where true friendships are born.” 

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Reflections on a Paris Peace March

Consider some paradoxical thoughts about the peace march earlier this week in Paris, in the aftermath of the attacks in that city.
       1. Everyone wants peace for themselves. Even anarchists want to live in a secure and safe environment. The peace march demonstrated this primal urge;
       2. Some evil acts cause enemies to build a bridge to stand against the evil;
       3. Why was President Obama or his representative missing?;
       4. There is a fine line between free expression and lack of decency. It was barbaric what terrorists did in murdering people from the satirical magazine. However, it is rude and undignified to draw cartoons ridiculing Mohammed (or Jesus, or Buddha, or other iconic figures);
       5. The problem in Europe is less with Islam "inviting" and more about Christianity "fading." Something always fills the spiritual vacuum, which has been created by more than a century of secularization in Europe. What Europe desperately needs is a spiritual revival of millions of people following Jesus in a new way.

My Diverse Interests

Last week someone commented on the many and diverse involvements that I have. It is true that I do a variety of things, and I hope they are with purpose and intention. So here is an overview:

     1. I care about diversity of culture, beliefs, and lifestyle and the intersection of all of this. This is the impetus behind The Isaac-Ishmael Initiative which I began four years ago.
     2. I care about equity economically and socially, especially in the Two-Thirds world where most people live in abject poverty. This is why I am involved with a great relief and development agency, Dorcas Aid International.
     3. I umpire youth and adult baseball for about 5 months per year, because I love the game and because it puts me in touch with real people living life in their own way. Umpiring reminds me of my blue-collar roots in New York and keeps me grounded.
     4. My wife and I have raised Labrador Retriever puppies for the last few years, because we love animals and embrace the 8 weeks of chaos, sleep deprivation, and joy that puppies bring to us and to the families who adopt them.
     5. I serve in my local church, Denver Community Church, because being in community should not be an option. Church is messy at times. But the alternative is isolation and that's just hell.
     6. For many years I have had a deep concern for and involvement in leadership, which led me to start a company called Step Up Enterprises that I run with my great business partner, Lizzy Wagner. We believe that everyone has a next step, even if it is the tiniest baby step. We have a counseling section and a consulting section - in both we help people and organizations through the many challenges and stresses of life.
     So these are my diverse and varied interests. What I hope motivates me the most is that I know I only have a certain number of days on earth and I don't want to waste time. I want to make the very most of the life I have been given.

The Core of Shalom

This is from my friend Tim Addington and his newly released book, "Deep Influence." For me this is at the heart of shalom.

"One of my greatest fears is that I would settle for a shallow heart, becoming distracted by strategies, activities, and “accomplishing the mission”—all good pursuits, but not the foundation of lasting influence. Growing deep with God and allowing His character to transform me ensures that my leadership emanates from a mature spiritual and emotional core. Shallow hearts and minds do not lead to deep influence!"

~ T.J. Addington in Deep Influence

Bono on Jesus

This is from the A to Z new year's letter by Bono, posted on the U2 website:

J IS FOR JESUS 

At this time of year some people are reminded of the poetic as well as the historic truth that is the birth of Jesus. The Christmas story has a crazy good plot with an even crazier premise - the idea goes, if there is a force of love and logic behind the universe, then how amazing would it be if that incomprehensible power chose to express itself as a child born in shit and straw poverty. 

       Who could conceive of such a story? If you believe it was the protagonist, as I do, then we should try to be really respectful of people who think the whole thing is a bit nutty or worse... Religious people are the best and worst of us...handle us with scepticism... 

       Strangely, maybe, some of the most rational thinkers see some kind of cosmic sense in all this... Francis Collins, who led the human genome project, is an obvious one… the language of science and faith are not necessarily at odds.... 

       But back to the Christmas story that still brings me to my knees - which is a good place for me lest I harm myself or others. Christmas is not a time for me to overthink about this child, so vulnerable, who would grow so strong... to teach us all how vulnerability is the route to strength and, by example, show us how to love and serve. 

       To me this is not a fairy tale but a challenge. I preach what I need to hear... 

C.S. Lewis on Peace

"Not all kinds of peace are compatible with all kinds of goodwill, nor do all those who say 'Peace, peace' inherit the blessing  promised to the peacemakers." ~ "God in the Dock"

Shalom Begins with "We"

Shalom begins in a community - "let us create man in our image," says God at the creation. It was the dawn of shalom, when darkness was replaced with light.
       Thousands and thousands of years later modern man has made shalom into a ME rather than a WE.
       And there can be no shalom when it is singular. Shalom is always plural and many - we, our, us.
       The moment we consider shalom as "the many" rather than "the one" we are faced with the question: Who is the many? Another way to ask it is, Who is my neighbor?
       Increasingly, the answer to that question is a great challenge. Often times our neighbor or work colleague or grocery assistant is not like me. He or she is "other" - other culture, other language, other skin color, other faith tradition.
      It is into this otherness that I believe God calls us to shalom. The "we" of shalom is diverse and scattered and multi. This is the journey to shalom. 

"Our Shalom" Beginning in 2015

I am changing the name of this blog to "Our Shalom." For 2015 (and perhaps beyond) I will be highlighting a variety of issues, challenges, questions, and hopes for seeking and finding a sense of SHALOM in our personal lives as well as in our culture.
       The new link for this blog is now: www.ourshalom.blogspot.com. Please check back after the new year. for posts.

Glen Campbel Documentary: Ticket Sales Begin January 1st.

Post by Step Up Enterprises.

TJ Addington - Leading From the Sandbox : The cancer of mistrust

TJ Addington - Leading From the Sandbox : The cancer of mistrust