Measuring "Greatness"

One of the "bizarre" paradoxes in the world is how greatness is measured. We often measure it by whoever finishes first, whoever has the most money, or who is the most powerful. 
       "The first shall be last and the last first," said Jesus to his followers who were elbowing each other out of the way for positions of power. Now THAT is different!
       Today we measure success, influence, and "greatness" by new and unique measures:
   ~ Number of "followers" on Twitter;
   ~ Number of "friends" on Facebook;
   ~ Number of hits on your  website;
   ~ Number of readers of your blog;
   ~ Number of books sold;
   ~ Number of people who attend your seminar or training;
   ~ Number of people who regularly attend your church.
       This is about popularity, and exposure, getting known and staying known, and it is about economic survival because you need a following to raise money or sell tickets or books or seminars.
       And yet ... the truly GREAT ONES, the men and women whose lives and leadership are enduring and full of legacy are so fundamentally different than all of that.
       They are characterized by another set of qualities, far more subtle and nuanced than the list above:
     * Faith and Faithfulness: They do not simply BELIEVE in God and faith, they LIVE faith. And because of this, they are rock solid and dependable. When they say "yes" they always mean "yes," When they say "no" they always mean "no." With these great ones, what you see is what you get. There is no duplicity in them.
     * Service to Others: Life and work and service is not about THEM, but always about others. In a world of leaders who are self-centered and often narcissistic, the truly great ones do not call attention to themselves. Ever.
     * Shunning the Spotlight: The truly great ones "share all the credit and take all the blame." What matters to them is the MISSION and getting the job done. They do not need or even want the credit publicly. In fact, if the people pictured below were alive today they would each say something like this about this blog post: "Quit writing that nonsense and get on with life, Brian!"
     * Honoring their Commitments: The men below were married for 57, 59, and 66 years respectively. Each was married only once, each stayed with their wife "til death do us part." When they started something they finished it.
      * Generous Spirits. They are givers - regardless of how much material wealth they have. They give time, they give attention, they give their gifts and abilities for the good of others, and they give materially.
     * "It's Not About Me." In the 21st century we are a self-obsessed culture. We take "selfies," which is a word that did not even exist 10 years ago! The truly great ones NEVER want it to be about them. They deflect praise and shine light on other people and their accomplishments.
       Over an 8-month period beginning last September I said good-bye to three of these truly GREAT ONES - Frank Banner, my dad (Marty Newman), and Nate Lindsay. Yes, I am sad not to be able to relate to them any more. More than that, I am humbled and honored to have known them and walked this journey with each in different ways. When I grow up I want to be like them.

Marty Newman: 1925 - 2015

Nate Lindsay: 1936 - 2015

Frank Banner: 1927 - 2014

TED Talk: Unconscious Bias

The Season Called "Fallow Ground"

I tried to find an interesting or exciting photo of a field lying fallow, i.e. fallow ground as it is called.
       I could not find one. I guess that's the point really!
       Some people will struggle with the idea that there is a season for a person "to lie fallow," just as the soil does. I was meeting with someone recently who challenged me and said, "I think you are in a season of fallow ground, Brian."
       He went on to say that the sooner I embrace this season the better I can live in it. I did not like the guy much at that moment, but only because he was right!
       I am indeed in a season in my life of fallow ground, at least inwardly. Before you begin to feel sorry for me, or try to help me "snap out of it," please consider that fallow seasons are necessary and good for growth over the longer term.
       Our example comes from agriculture, about which I know virtually nothing. So I have needed to do some research and speak with people who know about land and cultivating crops.
       Here are some helpful and hopeful ideas for me about this fallow season:

1. Land uses nutrients to help crops grow, and sometimes it takes A LOT of nutrients to get good crops. These seasons of plenty and abundance come with a cost to the soil.
2. When you look at a field that is lying fallow it can appear as if nothing is happening. No crops are growing, no seedlings. Nothing. The field appears unproductive.
3. What is happening on fallow ground is renewal of the soil. Rest. Shabbat. Silence, Quiet. Rebirth.
4. Fallow ground is rarely beautiful or pretty. It's boring, blah, and ugly. Staring at fallow ground in Kansas is good for nothing - except if you have insomnia!
5. Fallow ground still needs tending from the farmer. You have to make sure there are no infestations, no critters burrowing holes in the ground, no damage from severe weather. The farmer is not absent, he is mindful and watching the field;
6. Fields do not lie fallow forever, or that is just a waste of the land. There is a SEASON for this, and the season eventually comes to an end and the land is restored and able to produce a bounty again.

So this is my season. I am sure you can draw the analogies to life from the image of the field. It has been strangely encouraging for me.

Responding to Every Request for a Donation

I am both a giver and receiver of donations. This is as it should be, in my estimation.
       Some of us who raise funds for worthy causes believe that we need to look and sound "poor" or "needy," and being generous does not lend to that. The conventional wisdom is that if people see that we donate to other causes they will not give to ours.
       Well if that is the case I would prefer that people not donate to my causes and I can continue to give generously.
       The fact is that I actually LIKE asking people to give money to causes that I believe in, those that are seeking to make a positive impact in the world. I even like asking people to give for my personal support. Yes, I'm weird!
       We who are able also NEED to give generously, for many reasons. Among them is that we have the tendency to create idols out of possessions and pay checks and our stuff!
       Well, as someone who raises funds for a couple different causes, I have to deal with a lot of non-responses. I send out an email or letter and hear nothing from people. The silence is deafening!
       The only thing worse than silence is when someone says they will give and they don't. Then I send a reminder, and another one. Then I feel like I am stalking them. Ugh!
       So let me put on my "donor" hat again and seek to "be the change that I want to see happen!" (as Ghandi said) As much as possible, I try to respond to every personal request for a donation. Even if I have to say no to the person or organization, I want to encourage them in some way. I say things like this:
"Thank you for asking me to contribute to your cause. I won't be able to this time, but I think your work is important. Press on in doing good."
       I know that it can sound or feel patronizing to the person, but I would prefer that risk to simply saying nothing to them and leaving them in a fog.
       We in the West have an epidemic of fear and obsession with personal security. The way we deal with this fear and security "need" is to hold onto money, homes, comforts. They make us feel (falsely) more safe and secure. I do it, you do it. Most people do it.
       We need to become more obsessed with giving and generosity and less obsessed with security.
       It needs to start with me.
       It needs to start today.

Eulogy: Words to Remember My Father

We had a beautiful memorial service for my dad at Beth Yeshua Congregation in Plainview, New York yesterday. These were the words I shared with everyone there:

My father was what I call the unlikely believer in God.

… the unlikely survivor – of a bad childhood

… the unlikely survivor of World War II

He was also the unlikely leader …

the unlikely person to help others…

And mostly, the unlikely follower of God.

For a Jewish kid from Brooklyn, that is quite the unlikely journey!

Mom and dad visited my family when we lived in Holland for a decade. They visited many times actually, often around Thanksgiving.

Frequently we invited dad to come along to activities with our community – a Christian church community. In the early years dad politely declined.

You see, dad wrestled with faith, and God,  and belief - as most of us do at times. He did not want to be a hypocrite, which I respected.

“I was born a Jew, I’m going to die a Jew,” dad would tell me, believing at the time that he would have to abandon being Jewish to believe in Jesus.

Two events in Holland when they visited began to show me a shift in dad’s heart and mind. The first was when our church needed to move locations, from one school to another. There was dad at 77 years old helping the sound techs and custodians schlep chairs, sound equipment, and children’s toys onto the moving truck! All of these 25-year-old strong Dutch guys marveled at dad’s energy!

The next day I was heading to church early in the morning and there was dad ready to go with me – a very new thing for him! I asked why and he said that the sound guys and custodians were his new-found friends. Dad walked into the new school where we had just moved as if he owned the place.

            The second event was when Susy and I had the privilege of baptizing mom at our church in Amsterdam. Here we were with 500 mostly young Dutch people watching as mom is baptized. Everyone cheers wildly as she comes out of the water. And there is dad right at the edge of the tub to help mom get out, hand her a towel, and carefully help her to walk back stage.

            Dad was unconvinced about faith at the time, but he was open and searching. And he leaned into seeking God.

            Dad had a lot to overcome to believe in a God who is good and gracious and forgives sins. It took him most of his 90 years.

            He was like the man who meets Jesus one day and exclaims, “I do belief! Help me in my unbelief!”

            Today we celebrate this unlikely follower of the Messiah, Y’shua.

Why I Am Not "Sitting Shiva"

My father, Marty Newman, died three days ago on April 12, 2015. He was 90 years old when he breathed his final breath.
       I am not "sitting shiva" this week, even though our family is Jewish and we want to be respectful of our traditions and customs.

       Jews "observe shiva" for the 7 days after a loved one dies. The purpose is to grieve and mourn the loss of the person, and is marked by several acts:
the mourners do not work during the week, all mirrors in the house are covered, mourners sit on low chairs below visitors (to show their lowly position and grief), a candle is lit in memory of the person, a black cloth which is ripped is customarily worn, and there is a daily prayer service in which the Mourner's Kaddish is said.
       All in all, "sitting shiva" is a somber, sullen experience. I remember going to my aunt and uncle's co-op apartment when my grandfather died and we all sat around speaking softly and "looking a bit like death warmed over," as my dad put it at the time.
       I am not sitting shiva because I do not feel somber and sullen about my father's death. Please allow me to explain! I am sad that I will never be able to pick up the phone and call my dad. We won't be able to talk about cars anymore, and I won't laugh at his hysterical stories about life. But all of that is about ME and not about him. This is my grief and loss, and I hope I can lean into this mourning process in the coming weeks and months.
       There is also a big part of me that smiles at my dad being free of pain and suffering (no more shortness of breath, no more losing his dentures!). Even more than that, I want to shout for joy at my dad being in the very presence of God and the Messiah, Y'shua. If you are Jewish reading this post you might think, "Uh-oh, Brian is being delusional! He's lost his mind!"
       But I haven't. I know that we Jews have resisted and rejected the idea that the Messiah has already come, and we have generally rejected that Jesus (Y'shua) is that Messiah. If my dad could say anything to us right now it would be, Believe it! Believe it that Jesus really was and is the promised Messiah of Israel! My dad knows it first hand now.
       So there is no compelling reason to sit shiva for me. I do not need to be in a state of somber depression over my dad's death.
       There is one aspect of the mourning process that I simply love. That is, saying the Mourner's Kaddish. Shortly after my mom called us on Sunday morning to say that dad had passed, I found myself reciting the prayer in Hebrew under my breath. For all of my years going to synagogue on Long Island, I did not know what that prayer meant in English. Now I do. It is all about God's greatness and goodness, which my father knows now to the full!

MOURNER'S KADDISH

Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.
        May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon;
and say, Amen.
       May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
       Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.
       May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel;
and say, Amen.

Beware: Persian is Not Arab

It goes against my philosophical and theological framework to speak as I am about to regarding Iran, and the proposed nuclear agreement being brokered with Western powers.
       However, I have concerns (some serious) about the political agreement with Iran. My conservative friends may say that, at last, I am waking up to the "evil forces" at work in Iran. To be clear, I am not becoming hawkish about the U.S.'s involvement in the Middle East, and specifically with Iran. I AM hoping to point out three factors or dimensions to this issue that the Obama administration appears to be avoiding or ignoring.

1. Persians are not Arabs. Arabs are localized and tribal, meaning that throughout history Arabs have turned on Arabs based on tribal and clan affiliation. Persians (Iranians) are far more monolithic and certainly the Iranian culture is the dominant force in the Persian world. They are unified which makes them more of a political (and military) force to be reckoned with in the Middle East.
2. Understand the Power Structures. While I am not an expert on Iranian politics, I know enough that there are elected officials, who are chosen by the Iranian people, and there are the Ayatollahs who are not. Iran is a self-declared Islamic Republic, which means the Ayatollahs (the religious clerics) have more power than the popularly elected President and his appointed ministers. The Western governments have spent months and months negotiating with the elected officials of Iran, while the Ayatollahs have remained apart. This calls into question the legitimacy of the negotiations in the first place.
3. Iran is Expansionist via Regional Influence. In the Iran-Iraq war of 1980 to 1988 (which the Reagan Administration and many other governments did not care very much about) Iraq attacked Iran, and Iran defended itself. Modern Iran since the overthrow of the Shah in 1979 has not proven to be expansionist in the sense of invading other countries. Unlike ISIS, It does not appear to want to conquer land. However, Iran has proven to be exceedingly meddling and destabilizing in the Middle East through fellow Shiite states and movements - Syria, Bahrain, Yemen, and Hizbullah. No one can deny the Iranians' covert operations and sectarian divide they have exploited with Sunni Muslim states.

My good friends on the side of "give peace a chance" will say that the United States meddles and destabilizes in the region as much as Iran. And you are correct in saying that. However, my father taught me that "two wrongs do not make a right!" We can speak out against Iran's meddling and also call the U.S. government to account for its meddling.

The deal with Iran is bad on its own merits, not because of any direct threat to Israel (or any other state in the region). It is bad because the West has not negotiated with the true power base in Iran, and because the agreement does not address consequences to Iran meddling in the affairs of other Middle Eastern states.

I applaud the Obama Administration for wanting a nuclear deal with Iran. Sanctions are crippling to the Iranian people, and only embitters the population to the rest of the world. However, we cannot "cut corners" just to get a deal done. It's time to go back to the drawing board.

Passover Seder Tickets Available

We are hosting a unique Passover Seder this year. It will be at the former Temple Emmanuel in Denver, which is now home to one of the sites of Denver Community Church.
      As we do each year, there will be special surprises for the kids, we will have two giveaways of handcrafted pottery, and our "Bless Buckets" will be on the tables. This year all donations will go to help and bless Syrian refugees in Lebanon who are in need of their exodus and return.
       Buy tickets for the seder HERE.

Tonight is Purim

Tonight is Purim, the remembrance of Esther in the history of the Jewish people. You can read the heroic story in the book of Esther in the Old Testament.
       A short article in Patheos recently asked the question, Who are the Esthers Today? It is an important question, but not only because of the rise of anti-semitism in Europe and elsewhere.
       It is important because women are often treated as second-class citizens in a variety of religious contexts - the Church, Judaism, and Islam to mention the three great monotheistic faiths.
       Lest we quickly jump on the bandwagon of how some strains of Islam abuse women (which certainly happens), we in the West would do well to do some serious self-reflection.
       We are quick to see women as objects of sexual desire and look away at a scantily clad Miley Cyrus, but are largely silent about this kind of abuse.
       There is an invisible glass ceiling for many, many women in the corporate world. And that ceiling is not even invisible in the Church world of Catholics and Protestants, where well-meaning men hold to theological positions that severely limit women's gifts, talents, and abilities.
      So I also want to ask, Who are the Esthers today? And I also want to ask how men such as myself are identifying, empowering, and sending those Esthers to change the world for good.

Our Twilight Zones Where Life Happens Best

“There is a twilight zone in our hearts that we ourselves cannot see. Even when we know quite a lot about ourselves-our gifts and weaknesses, our ambitions and aspirations, our motives and our drives-large parts of ourselves remain in the shadow of consciousness. This is a very good thing. We will always remain partially hidden to ourselves. Other people, especially those who love us, can often see our twilight zones better than we ourselves can. The way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. We will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends. That's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility, but to a deep trust in those who love us. It is the twilight zones of our hearts where true friendships are born.” 

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Reflections on a Paris Peace March

Consider some paradoxical thoughts about the peace march earlier this week in Paris, in the aftermath of the attacks in that city.
       1. Everyone wants peace for themselves. Even anarchists want to live in a secure and safe environment. The peace march demonstrated this primal urge;
       2. Some evil acts cause enemies to build a bridge to stand against the evil;
       3. Why was President Obama or his representative missing?;
       4. There is a fine line between free expression and lack of decency. It was barbaric what terrorists did in murdering people from the satirical magazine. However, it is rude and undignified to draw cartoons ridiculing Mohammed (or Jesus, or Buddha, or other iconic figures);
       5. The problem in Europe is less with Islam "inviting" and more about Christianity "fading." Something always fills the spiritual vacuum, which has been created by more than a century of secularization in Europe. What Europe desperately needs is a spiritual revival of millions of people following Jesus in a new way.

My Diverse Interests

Last week someone commented on the many and diverse involvements that I have. It is true that I do a variety of things, and I hope they are with purpose and intention. So here is an overview:

     1. I care about diversity of culture, beliefs, and lifestyle and the intersection of all of this. This is the impetus behind The Isaac-Ishmael Initiative which I began four years ago.
     2. I care about equity economically and socially, especially in the Two-Thirds world where most people live in abject poverty. This is why I am involved with a great relief and development agency, Dorcas Aid International.
     3. I umpire youth and adult baseball for about 5 months per year, because I love the game and because it puts me in touch with real people living life in their own way. Umpiring reminds me of my blue-collar roots in New York and keeps me grounded.
     4. My wife and I have raised Labrador Retriever puppies for the last few years, because we love animals and embrace the 8 weeks of chaos, sleep deprivation, and joy that puppies bring to us and to the families who adopt them.
     5. I serve in my local church, Denver Community Church, because being in community should not be an option. Church is messy at times. But the alternative is isolation and that's just hell.
     6. For many years I have had a deep concern for and involvement in leadership, which led me to start a company called Step Up Enterprises that I run with my great business partner, Lizzy Wagner. We believe that everyone has a next step, even if it is the tiniest baby step. We have a counseling section and a consulting section - in both we help people and organizations through the many challenges and stresses of life.
     So these are my diverse and varied interests. What I hope motivates me the most is that I know I only have a certain number of days on earth and I don't want to waste time. I want to make the very most of the life I have been given.

The Core of Shalom

This is from my friend Tim Addington and his newly released book, "Deep Influence." For me this is at the heart of shalom.

"One of my greatest fears is that I would settle for a shallow heart, becoming distracted by strategies, activities, and “accomplishing the mission”—all good pursuits, but not the foundation of lasting influence. Growing deep with God and allowing His character to transform me ensures that my leadership emanates from a mature spiritual and emotional core. Shallow hearts and minds do not lead to deep influence!"

~ T.J. Addington in Deep Influence

Bono on Jesus

This is from the A to Z new year's letter by Bono, posted on the U2 website:

J IS FOR JESUS 

At this time of year some people are reminded of the poetic as well as the historic truth that is the birth of Jesus. The Christmas story has a crazy good plot with an even crazier premise - the idea goes, if there is a force of love and logic behind the universe, then how amazing would it be if that incomprehensible power chose to express itself as a child born in shit and straw poverty. 

       Who could conceive of such a story? If you believe it was the protagonist, as I do, then we should try to be really respectful of people who think the whole thing is a bit nutty or worse... Religious people are the best and worst of us...handle us with scepticism... 

       Strangely, maybe, some of the most rational thinkers see some kind of cosmic sense in all this... Francis Collins, who led the human genome project, is an obvious one… the language of science and faith are not necessarily at odds.... 

       But back to the Christmas story that still brings me to my knees - which is a good place for me lest I harm myself or others. Christmas is not a time for me to overthink about this child, so vulnerable, who would grow so strong... to teach us all how vulnerability is the route to strength and, by example, show us how to love and serve. 

       To me this is not a fairy tale but a challenge. I preach what I need to hear... 

C.S. Lewis on Peace

"Not all kinds of peace are compatible with all kinds of goodwill, nor do all those who say 'Peace, peace' inherit the blessing  promised to the peacemakers." ~ "God in the Dock"